JD Michaels is back from San Francisco with an inside report on the disaster that was the WrestleFanFest!

JD Michaels — Superstar Style

WrestleFanFest: The Fiasco in ‘Frisco!

Where do I begin….

We were booked for months. There is no reason why this should have been the disaster it was. There was more than enough time, period.

A few weeks back we got in touch with Chris Salisbury the promoter as we were awaiting our plane tickets and itinerary. He actually was slightly offended when we told him the whole thing seemed a bit suspicious. “I’m not from your business of liars and bullshitters, please don’t disrespect me by grouping me with those who have conned you in the past. This will be very professional”…. We got our plane tickets so that was a start… but this event was over before it started.

The Fiasco In ‘Frisco actually started when we got our tickets. We were scheduled to arrive Wednesday afternoon in San Fransisco (via Hartford, even though we told him we were moving to Louisville) which we didn’t want due to the high cost of everything out there and that we would only be getting paid for our time Friday through Sunday. We changed our tickets to Thursday which cost us a $80 change fee so from the get go, things were not on our side, or pretty much any of the other wrestlers and MMA fighters as we would soon find out. We landed Thursday afternoon in Oakland (which was 45 min away from San Fran, but cheaper plane tix… Lame) and were waiting for our “driver” until I spotted a goober running down the sidewalk damn near tripping over his own feet with a 4X6 card that read April & Jordan. I had the luxury of riding to SF in a ‘89 Honda with a bullshit coffee can for a muffler while April rode in a pickup truck with our luggage. Apparently limo’s were supposed to pick everyone up, but they had sent the 20 seat Hummer Limo to grab the Rowdy one himself, Roddy Piper and the other limo’s were temporarily MIA. We were told we could do whatever we wanted for the rest of the day and to be ready for 10am the next day when the convention would start.

We check in and run into promoter Chris by the elavators who proceeds to tell us despite getting deposits, Hall and Nash were holding out for more money and refused to get on their planes, Kurt Angle was sick and couldn’t come and Sid wouldn’t show either. “I don’t know how you are apart of this business. I am already sick of dealing with wrestlers and it has only been a few months” he says. As we got on the elevator he said we would receive our itineraries later on in the day. Having been seriously deprived of sleep for the last 2 weeks due to relocating to Louisville, KY we decided to go to sleep. We woke up and ordered pizza which cost 30 bones for just the one pie, and fell back asleep around 11pm with no itinerary. Alarm goes off at 8:30 and around 9:45 we are ready to go. We call Chris to see what happened with the itineraries and he said they would be handing them out around noon. “Noon? What happened to 10am?” we asked. “Huh? It starts at 2pm today.” Lovely, nothing like getting up 5 hrs early and ready to roll with nowhere to go.

We head downstairs to find a big pile of wrestlers waiting to go to the Cow Palace which was apparently 25 min away. But this time, the limo’s did show up and started taking us over. We headed over with Scott Norton & his wife Tammy, Blue Meanie & his gf Tracey and Larry Zybysko. Good thing we honestly didn’t have any expectations going into this, because they would have been out the window as soon as we got there. Many vendors (who paid insane fees to be there) had taken up about 70% of the room with trailers and booths. They had a measly 8 tables set up for the “photo ops” and then just a bunch of gaps. Big Scott Norton says “Where the hell are we all supposed to sit?” I didn’t even see enough room for a hundred wrestlers, let alone tables for all of us. Dr. Death Steve Williams started running out of patience fast and went, grabbed a table, table cloth and set up his own spot underneath a sponsor’s banner. I asked him if he thought the sponsor would ask him to move so they could set up there and he said “I’d like to see them move me.” The Doc has a reputation of being one of the toughest the biz has seen and his victory over cancer just proves that. The Doc has hole in his throat with a button about 2 inches deep that he has to press to speak. When he speaks now, I honestly think he is more intimidating than ever. We got word some of the wrestlers were dropped off at the front door instead of the back and security wouldn’t let them in without passes. WHAT? I guess Brian Knobbs and Lance Hoyt just look like fans trying to get a freebie. April and I set up a table for us and Lance Hoyt in a open space we found.

We had a good time catching up and just bullshitting as well as commentating on what was er wasn’t happening. Some people have criticized Lance’s work, but I could care less ’cause he is a cool cat in my book. As the day progressed we noticed one thing above all (besides the female mannequin beside us with the huge rack… only in Cali I guess)

…was the lack of fans. I mean, throughout the day, probably 350 - 400 fans came through (and by talking to most of them, they all paid hundreds to be there) but for an event of this magnitude, there should have been 3500 fans. As Tracy Brooks came over to commiserate on the lack of enthusiasm of the convention amongst other things, Bubba Ray swung by with a bottle of Jack and told everyone to take a big ass swig. It helped. Another breath of fresh air was finally meeting Bob and Mike from SLAM! Wrestling. They’ve written a few nice pieces involving me over the years so it was nice to meet them.

The card for Friday night’s show kept changing with the no shows and the TNA guys who couldn’t appear on PPV. Why did this have to air on PPV anyway? Originally I was scheduled to take on Sharkboy then it got changed to vs Sharkboy and Billy Kidman in a 3 way… but that got turned into me and Kidman vs Sharkboy and someone. Then that got scrapped and I was told I would probably take on Al Snow. But Al was then put into a 5 way ECW Hardcore match which got changed into Al and the Blue Meanie vs Luke Hawx and his partner.

I was told “don’t worry, we’ll have something good for you”… then I got put into the 35 man black t-shirt battle royal. I say black t shirt because about 90% of these greenhorn goobers were wearing black t-shirts. Most of them didn’t have gear and certainly didn’t look like wrestlers. Chavo Classic (who had more fun than anyone on Friday thanks to a lil liquid fun) and the original Mr. Wonderful, Rock Riddle were the final 2 entrants. For some reason, an MMA guy was in the battle royal and they wanted him to go over, even though there was a separate MMA show the next night. Dr. Keith Lipinski took over the book and I am sorry to say, the Dr. wasn’t writing the right prescriptions. This battle royal was the shits. We all knew who the final 6 were going to be, yet most of these turds refused to get eliminated. Everytime I’d go to get rid of someone, they’d yell “No No No, I wanna stay in”. WTF? I head that at least 6 times and each of those guys scored a stiff back chop and a solid boot that sent them to the floor. 35 guys and nobody wanted to get thrown out. Funniest part of the match was some guy stiffed Chavo in the leg. Chavo pushed him back into the corner and slowly stalked him all while yelling “Hey, this is a work, its a fucking work man, you wanna shoot? You wanna fucking shoot with me rookie?” Chavo slapped the shit out of him and grabbed a headlock and continued his lecture “I”ll teach you how work…see this? This is a shoot”. Chavo punched him in the chin. “This is how you work fucker” then Chavo punched him in the chin and missed by an inch. I was sitting on the bottom rope selling/laughing at this because like I always say… wrestling needs more vets!

About 15 min into it, there were at least 20 guys left. One of the refs came over to me and said “ya gotta get rid of these guys, they have to get out.” So I just started grabbing turd after turd and told them to get out and tossed their backyard looking asses to the floor. We get to the final 6 and apparently there was some plan to have the MMA choke out one of the wrestlers and then eliminate him to put over… MMA. Like I said, they were having their own show the next day and I didn’t see a need for it on the wrestling show. The MMA guy comes up to me and says “I’m gonna choke you out now.”

I said “I don’t think so man”.

He says “I have to because the guy I was supposed to, accidentally got thrown out. Can you help me out?” Now I thought this was bullshit, but I also know how to do business and I know how to sell like a damn champ. So I let him choke me out, then the remaining 4 wrestlers picked me up over their heads and threw me over the top. I took a sick ass bump and started selling. I worked the staff who came over to ask me if I was alright and I didn’t answer. They sent someone running to the back for a stretcher. April came running from the back because she thought I was hurt. All the fans near me had started off by yelling the typical shit “ha ha, you got eliminated” and within a minute or two were all worried. 5 min. later, a guy comes running from the back saying they can’t find the stretcher. I let them know I was ok so they could move me and carry me out. By then, the MMA guy had gone to the back and legit thought I was hurt. As I slowly got up, any heel heat I got during the match was gone and I scored a big ovation for “being ok.” Like I said, I thought it was bullshit, but I also knew how to do business and a wrestler got the heat back for the match.

We made sure to grab the first limo back to the hotel. Maven’s girl handed me a beer which was just what I needed after todays episode of WrestleShitFest. We rode with Maven and his girl, Scott Norton and his wife, fellow Canuck Brady and a few other peeps. The ride back was a blast. Norton and his wife are so friggin funny they had everyone rolling. They joked about screw Hogan knows best, but after watching them for 25 min. I’d have to agree with his wife - “Hogan knows shit!” in regards to them being a better candidate for reality TV. Once back we got changed and headed down the hotel bar for a few drinks. Norton asked me if I had ever had an Amstel light. Being from Canada, I’ve had lots of good, strong beer in my day, but hadn’t had one. I don’t usually drink light beer at all and tried to get something else, but he swore to me Amstel was good shit and ordered me one. I have to say he was right. It was pretty damn good beer so Scotty and his wife made sure I had an Amstel in my hands at all time for the rest of the weekend. They’re great people.

One of the guys affiliated with MMA was trying to get Scott’s attention and when he did, it wasn’t the kind of attention you’d want from a guy the size of Norton. I didn’t hear what was said, but next thing I knew Norton was out of his chair, face as red as his red t-shirt stepping towards this 150lb guy who was walking away from him yelling “Fuck you man, just fuck you, fuck yourself…” What a tough guy. It took about 5 of us to hold Norton back and one of us was Brian Knobbs who notoriously stirs the pot. But he was saying “he ain’t worth it Scotty, we got a few more nights here and he ain’t worth any hassles”….

So another 150lb MMA affiliate beaks up to Knobbs and says “Hey, who are you? Why don’t you shut the fuck up and stay out of this”… Our jaws dropped that for once Brian was actually trying to calm the situation down and this mouthy turd tells Brian to fuck off?

“Hey man, I’m trying to calm shit down here, don’t go playing a tough guy and run your mouth” Knobbs said.

“Don’t fuckin talk to me motherfucker, you can fuck off” the guy beaks more.

Knobbs’ eyes pop out of his head…”You mouthy little fuck, I’m trying to help here and you wanna be a tough guy? C’mon you skinny lil motherfucker, I’ll kill you!” Then this MMA dude back peddles when Brian heads towards him. The first guy realizing Norton would have killed him in the blink of an eye tells his buddy to shut up because they are in the wrong. He apologizes to Scott who tells him to beat it and tells his friend to leave the bar.

I said to Scott “must be some potent shit in these Amstels!” The rest of the night we just all chilled and passed around some funny ass stories. April and I decided for the next day, we wouldn’t rush down for 10am since today was such a clusterfuck.

We got down to the lobby around 11:30 am to find about 25 wrestlers sitting there, not looking very happy. The Dudleys, Demolition, The Steiner Brothers, Ted Dibiase, Francine, Barbarian, Greg Valentine, BabyDoll, Knobbs, Sharkboy, Norton and Sunny were amongst the crowd. Ron from Atlas Security told us that some of the wrestlers went for 10am and all these guys didn’t trust the promoter enough to go and work another day without getting paid, so they were on “strike” until they a better reason not to be. We got word his wife went to the bank around 8:30am. But at 12:30 she still wasn’t back. She called to say she got a ’speeding ticket’ then phoned after 1 to say “I’m stuck on the Bay Bridge”

Bubba Ray said “I wonder if her last name is Heyman…” She also informed us that we would all be getting half cash, half check…. which didn’t sit well with anyone. Goldberg agreed to be apart of the strike for a bit, but was contractually obligated to be there and since he was paid in full ahead of time, he could only stick around for about an hour. April and I decided to split up and have her head to the convention while I stayed back to hold out for our pay. 2pm rolls around, no wife. But more wrestlers showed up. Godfather aka Bear, Molly Holly and Nikolai Volkoff all rolled in. We smartened them what was going on and they sat down with us. I was sitting with Francine and the more she lost her patience, the funnier her comments got. She had me rolling a few times. About 3pm (so we’ve been sitting now for over 4 hrs) his wife rolls in and straight up to 1409. We follow right behind her and lined up outside his hotel room. Chris started bringing everyone in one by one, but it was taking 15 min for each guy. Knobbs was getting hot that we were all standing there like a bunch of j-brones waiting. Valentine asked Dibiase to pray for Chris, but then asked Ted to pray that our checks don’t bounce because once we got up there, there was no cash, it was all check. After Dibiase came out Knobbs said fuck it and told all of us to go in at the same time. Chris had a laptop out with an account on screen showing a balance of $287,000, but wouldn’t be available until Monday so he stressed that we don’t cash anything until then. When I stepped up, I asked that I get my wrestling fee in cash (and I asked for double of what I normally get just because of all the bullshit) then took the 3 day appearance fee of April and I in a check. Dibiase told me this might be the biggest clusterfuck he had ever seen… and that covers a lot of ground. A few of us grabbed a beer for the limo ride over. We made it to the convention around 4:30pm to see even less fans than the day before.

We heard the MMA event only pre-sold 27 tickets and the show was in jeopardy as the event supposedly hadn’t been sanctioned by the commission. By 5:30pm, the MMA show was canceled and by 7 the convention was done for the day. April and I decided to check out the only other place to eat other than the hotel which was a diner 2 blocks away. I swung by the lounge to see if anyone wanted to join us and Norton and his wife answered me by handing me an Amstel. Everyone seemed chilled so we headed out not knowing it was the calm before the next storm. At the diner, the Reverend Slick and Akeem were also chowing down. Slick came over to shoot the shit and blew us all away when he told us why WWF canned him years back. (With the lisp) “They said I was too tall”. WHAT THE FUCK? It brought me back to a meeting with WWE back in 2005 where they told me although I was a “really good worker, but you’re too SHORT…” I’m 6′0 in my wrestling boots. Apparently they said he was too tall to manage anyone and would make the superstars look bad, so they let him go. The Rev. got a huge pop and solid heat during the match on Friday.

We made it back to the Sheraton about an hour after we left to see about 75 people standing in the lobby. About 50 MMA guys and about 25 wrestlers. I barely made it through the door and someone grabbed me “JD you missed the damn near riot”. Apparently all the MMA guys had a meeting in the conference room where they were informed they would not be paid since they didn’t get to fight and tempers flared. One of the MMA promoters accused Chris of “sabotaging” the whole convention so he could only make money for the wrestlers…..Huh? Don Frye was there and stood up to calm everyone down and basically said the wrestling part of the convention had nothing to do with the fights being pulled.

Dog The Bounty Hunter’s son, Leland had a bodyguard with him. The bodyguard stood up and got in Frye’s face only to sucker punch him. Frye told him to meet him in the parking lot. The most consistent thing I heard was Frye took this guy down and was on top of him feeding him shots as the Police showed up. They were given a warning and were separated. Just as buddy finished telling me this story, out of the corner of my eye I see Frye coming back into the hotel. He grabbed the door with his left hand and here came Leland’s bodyguard running up from behind, spun Don around and decked him right in the eye to drop him. Then this chicken shit ran the other way a hundred miles an hour. Almost everyone in the lobby saw this and about 50 or 60 of us took off down the block after this goober. I yelled back to Scott Norton who is really good friends with Don and he came barreling out of the bar and joined us. We made it only a block when half a dozen Police cars showed up and rounded everyone up back to the hotel lobby for a speech. “This is the second time we have been called here within an hour. If we get a call again, we will come back and evacuate the building therefore leaving everyone to find a new place to sleep tonight. If you don’t want that, stay out of the lobby, go to your room or the lounge and behave.” Obviously none of us wanted to have to leave so we migrated back to the bar and just chilled, told more stories, laughed as much as we could. Of course Norton and his wife made sure at least one of my hands contained an Amstel at all times. Did I mention they’re good shit? A guy named Rob who was in charge of covering the hotel and organizing the Austin/Goldberg signings rolled into the bar and gave a speech about Sunday as last we heard, Sunday was off. Rob said he was going to go through with Sunday since Austin did confirm and he was going to try and salvage this fiasco in Frisco. He said if anyone needed help, to ask him. Sandman said he needed a ride to the airport. Rob asked what time his flight was. “8:10pm tonight” he slurred. FYI, it was 9:45pm… Someone was having a little too much fun without the wellness policy.

As we awoke on Sunday, several of us had talked about either blowing it off and watching football or heading downtown for a lil sight seeing. I wanted to go at least for a bit as I am a professional and there were still going to be people who paid lots of money to meet as many wrestlers as possible there. Chris’ dad was involved with the limo company as a driver and for Sunday, the limos were cut off as word was going around Chris took off. Most wrestlers piled into cabs so they could split the $30 fare to the Cow Palace. Rob heard we needed a ride and sent a car from the Palace over to the hotel to pick up April and I. Upon arriving this day I noticed 2 things. 1 - Austin was there and the enthusiasm level was through the roof. 2 - there were fans in staff shirts helping out. I want to take a minute here to speak about the fans that came to this convention.

First, I feel horrible that most of them spent a ridiculous amount of money for VIP privileges and what not, only to get what the measly $30 admission would have scored them. Second, most fans heard about the politics of this event and were apologizing to us and many other wrestlers for what we were having to deal with. I kept saying, ‘Please don’t worry about it, you guys are here to have a good time, don’t worry about any of us, this convention is about all of you”. Fans were offering gas money for wrestlers to get to the further airports, fans were offering to drive wrestlers to the airport… it was just insane how awesome they were. I received tons of thank you’s from fans, but believe me, THANK YOU.

Things were dying down so I started to chat with Dr. Death and told him I just moved to Louisville and will be starting with OVW shortly since he is a trainer there. However, he informed I won’t be seeing him as he was recently let go for a stupid ass reason. We shot the shit for quite a while and it was wicked. The Doc has a lot of great things to say and honestly, the more guys like him you have helping out, the better this business would be.

April and I waited till Austin’s line almost ended before going over for some small talk and pix. Austin asked me where I worked out at in Louisville, and I told him I would probably join a Golds again. By the tone in his voice, it was his nonchalant way of complimenting me on my build, which I’ll gladly accept. Anyways, he was cool shit and stayed over his time to make sure he got every fan.

They literally had to rush him out of there just so he wouldn’t miss his flight as he stayed probably an extra 30 min. There were several ROH guys wandering around before their afternoon show, but some of them felt the need to walk around with their noses in the air as if they were bigger stars than the stars who were there. I’m not going to name names, but they looked like fucking goofs walking around with attitudes and on top of that, not shaking the workers hands… tsk tsk. But I guess when the “money guy” is running around like a mark turning his nose to everyone but Austin and acting like his shit don’t stink, what can you expect from some of his crew. But I got news for you Tom, Mike, Syd, Bert… whatever your name is. Not only does your shit stink, but it smells like jizz and many of the legends in San Fran were pissed at your little ankle-grabbing attitude. I will give a shout out to Jimmy Jacobs however, who is always professional and was a blast to work with a few years ago.

Tammy Sytch (Sunny) and her bf, John had been talking with us about sight seeing for the last day or so and we agreed to commit Sunday evening to checking out San Fran. All we needed was a way to get there. A cab was about 50 bones one way and public transportation was a no no. As we stood in the lobby putting together a game plan, a few fans approached us and said they had 2 cars and were bored. We had a ride and once again the fans were super wicked. We went down to Pier 39/Fisherman’s Wharf and took a long walk. We came across Boudin Sourdough bakery and in the window they had these huge loaves of bread… but in the shapes of crocodiles, crabs and teddy bears — and fully detailed too. We stood there for a min with our mouths wide open to a combination of amazement of detail and just how friggin good it smelled. One of the bakers came to the window and motioned for us to head to the back door. He gave April the 15 inch tall teddy and gave Sunny the almost 2 foot long croc.

We got to see sea-lions and the one and only, Alcatraz. We walked around until everything shut down, then made our way back to the hotel, taking some of the most steep ass hills along the way. Back at the hotel we stopped by the bar for a quick chit chat. Maven was kinda stressing out as he was flying out of San Jose at 7am and didn’t have a ride. Luckily, once again, we found a fan who said he would be there at 5am to pick him up. I needed a snack before bed and headed to the vending machine. To my surprise, something actually went my way as right as I went to put a buck in the machine, I noticed there was $6.25 available. Someone put 6 bucks in and didn’t pick anything. So I grabbed a snack and popped over the fact I got the 5 bucks change.

The plan for Monday went like this. Wake up dead ass early, call the bank and find out if this money was available. I called Chris’ bank at 8:55am… no funds available. I called back at 9:10am, “funds available, your check would clear”. So we ran our asses downstairs and caught a cab to the nearest branch of our bank and cashed that son of a bitch. As we made our way back to the hotel, we called the guy who said he would drive us to the airport. No answer. Meanie and Tracey were also flying out of Oakland and needed a ride as well. After a few no sold calls, we assumed this guy had just fucked off and now we needed plan B. We found out a cab was close to $100 friggin bucks, which would be steep even split a few ways.

As we sat in the lobby racking our brains AGAIN to try and solve another loose end Chris left, Luke Hawx overheard us and came over. He said his friend was coming to pick him up and take him to the airport, but he was flying out of San Fran which was only 10 min away and that she lived in Oakland, so depending on what kind of vehicle she showed up in, she might be able to hook us up. Sure enough, his friend Yvette showed up in an SUV. Hope spot!! Although she had her daughter in a car seat in the back, the 4 of us managed to squeeze into 2.5 seats for a very cramped ride to Oakland. But we would all take cramped over a 100 dollar cab ride. The traffic at the airport was beyond recockulous. We barely moved 5 feet in 5 min. Yvette says “I think you guys are at the other end of the terminal”….

Meanie says ever so appropriately “Of course we are, we wouldn’t have it any other way”. No shit. Meanie and Tracey did curbside while we went in and stood in line yet somehow we were 2 rows ahead of them in the security line. We called them to butt in line since their flight was an hour before ours. We said our goodbyes and headed to our gate to grab some food.

I said to April “I have a feeling until we are in our car back in Louisville, this ain’t over”. I hate being right. I wanted to stop by the snack shop to grab some snacks for our ‘direct flight’ which would be like 5 hrs. I grabbed some sour kids and swedish fishies. The cashier rung them up as $1.49 and $3.09 even though they were the same size and from the same shelf that said $1.49. I questioned this and she got the manager. Get this bullshit excuse: “Well the swedish fish are a bigger brand name so they are more expensive”. I shook my head yet again. But because it was on the $1.49 shelf, she honored that price. Victory! …well not really. More like waste of time. We board the plane and take off down the runway. If you have flown enough, you know that feeling when the plane is about to take off the ground, its about 10 seconds after the plane speeds up. I close my eyes hoping to nap and right as the plane should have taken off the ground, everyone hears BOOM, SNAP, POP, SCREEECH! They hit the brakes and pull over in the ditch. “Ladies and Gentlemen, there seems to be an issue with the engine, we’ll just taxi back to a gate, get a quick inspection and hopefully be back on the runway in a few min”. Amazing how he said it so calmly when talking about the damn engine. 15 min at the gate and we hear this “Ladies and Gentlemen, we believe the engine works, however the computer in our dashboard isn’t reading it properly. So at this time we are going to switch planes.” Southwest is a friggin zoo all the time since they don’t have assigned seating and this could get messy. They found another plane for us and about an hour later, we were back on the runway. Another fry missing from my happy meal was that on the screen it said “San Fran - Las Vegas - Louisville”. But on my ticket/boarding pass it said ‘San Fran - Louisville’. I said to the agent “This is supposed to be a direct flight”. “Well it is sir, we’re just stopping in Vegas” …Stopping would imply a frigging STOP.

Man at this point if I had a gun… When we left Vegas, the pilot said we should land around 1:30am when we originally scheduled to land about 12:15am. At 2am I still hadn’t heard the pilot say “prepare for landing”. That came at 2:15am. Needless to say, we got back home at 3:30am… 12 hours after we first got on our flight. The fiasco in Frisco was officially over.

I wanna thank the people who made this weekend not only tolerable, but at times, pretty damn fun despite all the headaches. Scott and Tammy Norton, you guys rock, period end. Tammy and John, you guys were good company. Dr. Death, you’re a badass full of wisdom and brutal honesty… love it! Lance Hoyt, always good seeing you bro. Larry Zybysko, Rev. Slick, BabyDoll (the fans dressed up as chairs tonight! LOL), Bubba Ray, Brian Knobbs, Sharkboy (Cheers!), Godfather, Ted Dibiase, Francine, Atlas Security, Maven, Meanie & Tracey, Steve Austin, Tracey Brooks and Chavo Classic (I like tits too!). Above all, one more time, THANK YOU TO THE FANS - you came through so many times for so many guys this weekend… just awesome.

I am ironing out details to when I start with OVW, should be shortly and I’ll keep everyone posted.

Controversy never looked THIS good!

-JD Michaels

Posted with the permission of JD Michaels. Not to be re-posted without the permission of JD Michaels!

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