All The Angles – Smackdown
– John Willett
If it’s Friday night, it’s Oklahoma City, it must be… THE VOG telling me what happened Monday night! Hold it now; so there are no more split crews? One big happy dysfunctional WWE family? Well, this makes my life a touch easier. We also learn from the VOG that The Shield angle has been progressing down the same well trod path as the Aces & Eights; I just happen to catch it on the night Orton does the run-in and swerves the curve slightly. I also learn that it’s Social Media Smackdown, and every single person in the ENTIRE WORLD can participate in tonight’s festivities! And then it’s Michael Cole, Josh Mathews (from the very first Tough Enough, which I remember watching), and a special visit from The King (which signals to me that Jerry’s gonna get involved somehow in a brouhaha).
Alberto DelRio, World Champion and Protector of the downtrodden is matched up with Damien Sandow, who tells the assembled populace to observe ”Silence!” The populace tells Damien to observe their middle finger. Heel mission accomplished. Sandow: “I, on the other hand, am accompanied only by my superior intellect, my timeless good looks, and the jealous gazes of the unwashed masses.” I do love a good heel; Sandow makes me giggle like a little school girl! As far as The Champ goes, they should let the guy with the bad hair and bow tie speak for him; his not so well turn of phrase was that Sandow’s mouth smelled like caa-caa. Yes, that’s right… caa-caa. I’m kinda surprised Sandow didn’t respond with, “Schmuck! You had ALL DAY for either you or Shorty here to come up with a response to me, and all you can come with is caa-caa?? And THEN I gotta put you over?! WTF!!” Or words to that effect. As for the match itself – pretty good! They work well together. I’m also impressed with Mr. Mathews; he’s trying to sell the match as best he can, tying it in to Del Rio’s Wrestlemania appearance against Swagger. And the King is The King. I’ve always saved King quotes for lags in the action; there were no lags here. Armbreaker finish for DelRio (which certainly adds believability, due to the success of a certain Miss Rousey in the UFC). I know that’s his signature move, but because it’s been in sports news lately, he’s found himself in extremely good company.
Next, highlights of Cena/Punk. Promo of Rock/Cena for Wrestlemania. I’ve been away for awhile, so I don’t know… Is The Rock as good as he was?? In 100 words or less, send your reply to Your Beloved Editor; she’ll pick the winner, who will receive… that’s right…. A FREE MAN STORE OF BAR HARBOR MUG!!! Can you SMELLLLLLLLLL what your columnist… IS….. COOKIN’!!
Oh God… My friend Kane involved in another stupid ass match (or SAM, as we refer to them here at PWD.)
(Speaking of PWD -HELLLLLLLLLO, DR. MIKE!!!!!! Thanks for the shout out! AND the naughty photos of OUR Beloved Editor! Don’t know how you got ‘em, but, as The Nature Boy would say, WHHHHOOOO! Back to the action.)
US Championship match! Miz versus Cesaro. It’s been a brutal rivalry, according to our announcers, so I’m assuming this 2 out of 3 match will be the culmination. Kingism: (on Cesaro speaking 5 languages) “Yeah, he’s probably got me beat… I was 13 years old before I could wave goodbye!” Cracked the crew up. Kingism: “You know what they say about March; comes in like a lion; goes out with your sister.” It’s been a good match; they obviously have worked quite a bit together. Letting drama build, taking time to set up defining moves. Cesaro wins — tight pull. Old school heel win! Cesaro also called Miz a “stupid American.” Guessing we’ll be hearing that in the future.
Holy Moly, it’s good ole’ J.R.!! Interviewing Swagger and Dirty Dutch. Swagger said naughty things about the Oklahoma Sooners, and the boys and girls attending this soiree did not like it one bit. Only 15 seconds into Jack talking, and I understand completely why Vince gave him a mouthpiece. He don’t talk so good. Thank God Dirty Dutch took over. Oklahoma is what we politicos call a “red” state, making it a conservative hotbed; they’re booing Dirty Dutch here as well, which means he’s doing his job quite well. And all Jackie says is “We The People.” I keep waiting for him to screw that up. Uh oh, Jack’s talking more… Here come Del Rio, and Dirty Dutch has to be thrilled — they (conservative by God Americans) are chanting Alberto’s name!
Stupid Kane match… The Prime Time Players, whoever they are, have got to be sorely pissed to be a part of this travesty. And then, to have to put the one armed/blindfolded team over! Hope they’re getting paid BIG bucks for this. And they save it. ‘Cause Mr. McMahon is trying to tell them something. Kingism: “We got Titus O’Neil out here barkin’ like a dog, he’s goin’ against two goats… This match could be on Animal Planet!” “This match is goatin’ outta hand!” Thank God for The King. Good — the PTP got to win this mess.
The Big Show speaks. World’s Largest Athlete? World’s Largest Jobber.
Faaaaaandaaaaaango. I did in in fact, LOL. Goofy as hell! The crew giggles, just like your humble columnist.
Replay — Chairman/Fatty/Hairless HHH/Non-speaking Brock. Looks like the first steelpost shot did the damage.
Orton/Show is your Main Event! If you read the 1st column, you know I’m a semi-mark for Orton. All three of the crew is pushing The Big Jobber are hard as they can. Shield run-in; Seamus run-in; Big Jobber punch saves the day, then Big Jobber chokeslam to Orton, Seamus kick to Jobber… MASS CONFUSION REIGNS!!
So…. What did we learn this evening? That Smackdown is now the bastard stepchild of RAW; that they are PUSHING Swagger/Dirty Dutch HARD; that Del Rio, Sandow, Miz, and Cesaro can put on a decent show; that there are no more Divas ANYWHERE to be found; that Show is still a glorified jobber; that Kane needs to get back to doing what Kane does, and leave the humor portion of the program to the humorous; that Fandango is, at least initially, a very funny guy; that Dr. Mike reads my column (VERY cool!); and there’s something going to happen with Orton and this Shield angle. Also, that I’m EXHAUSTED from all this wrestling and writing!
One… more… show!!! (GASP) (THUD)
– John R. Willett
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