Canvas Cavity: Not Liking The Racist Route
By Dr. Mike Lano (presents Not Necessarily The News)


Is That Black or White Smoke You’re Blowing Up My Skirt ….
Wrestling needs a “pope” to preside over it. Someone to watch over it, show some dignity, preserve its history perhaps.



With history having to be er, uh re-written yet again because the Whiff’s “HOF” is being increasingly revealed as a pay-for-play money machine;  is there anyone out there who might have the cajones, er honesty to oversee the mess that is today’s biz, but also the responsibility to carry on the torch, attempt to have some ethics inside wrestling?  Probably not and it ain’t going to happen.  All the events leading up to the selection of a wrestling pope…  well, better that than having a total dead-weight like this Brad Maddox as “assistant to the assistant.”  Really, who in creative is “high” on this guy?  He’s been sucking the life out of segments lately, and not just because Miz was off in that Highlight Reel debacle Monday.  The term “pope” isn’t exactly religious as it comes from Latin and Greek meaning “father” and “patriarch.”  Again, the male (or a female one would be nice) who presides over major decisions with absolute authority.   Again-argh.  We already have that person, although at times it seems “the kids” are pushing him slowly out of the equation.


And going full-tilt unrelated, when one hears the b.s. “everything we do is to put smiles on people’s faces,”  don’t buy it.  It’s all done to put a smile on HIS face.  If the marks go along with it, fine.  Otherwise, they force it down the marks’ throats ad-nauseum until the marks are “thought-policed” into it being “over” with them.   I guess that’s no different than when it occurred in the territories and the thought often was “they’ll buy what we tell them to buy.”   Moving on…


*From The I can see it happening any day now Dept.:


Not my taste at all to go the “prejudiced redneck angle” route with Zeb/Dutch’s rantings and I think the We The People syndicated court tv show should sue for infringement on some common words (ala “you’re fired” which I’m not sure if it was Trump or VKM who claimed they tried to “er, uh trademark” that very common stringing of words.  Like Michael Buffer’s “Let’s Get Ready To….”  But at least they’ve added to the equation our “enemies” from north of the border “also sneaking across”  ….which is still equally lame.  Didn’t we already have Canada vs U.S. in WWE?   But I’d have Zeb go full-tilt on his prejudice ranting by claiming “someone from South of the Border  even took away the Pope’s job.”   This kind of  scripted patter was and is just so ridiculous even from the start, and I hope it’s all dropped after Mania is over.  Aren’t the McM’s Republicans and friends with people who actually believe this stuff for reals?  So why are they turning a belief system that might be close to Tea Party Base home into a heel scenario for them?  Why, because no p.r. is bad p.r. and money is being potentially smelt.  All’s fair when there’s “moolah” to be made.  Well maybe in the Bizarro world (not the real shoot world). That is if any of the press were biting on this angle, which they’re apparently not.


Plus, they’ve already dropped the ball in having two guys mocking it (Alberto and Ricardo) so quickly into the angle amidst this odd renewed push of Swagger.  Even if the spoof a week ago wasn’t anywhere near as good as XPak/Nash or HHH/Michaels when they did it first.  And of course Zeb/Dutch’s patter was getting pretty “one-note” repetitive as I keep saying (actually as he keeps saying basically the same thing, over and over).  The Zeb character just reiterating the same points, but we did like Jericho clarifying that although he was raised in Canada, he was born in the U.S. And that it’s stupid to put down Mexican or Canadian people. What’s next? El Salvadorians?    Sad that Jericho’s busy w/ his band and robot tv show, and may be becoming sort of an elevated jobber for the moment; but we’ll soon see if Jericho indeed has any kind of high profile Mania match or not.  Maybe vs Show since Big Slow was rebuffed for the Mania 6 man and is now in the uncomfortable tweener role with not much going on since they really x-nayed his program with Del Rio Dos Caras Jr.


*Hey, that lead The Shield  promo guy who’s not Reigns or Rollins (Dean Ambrose isn’t it – that’s the guy’s forgettable name) looks exactly like that new Saturday Night Live NOT READY FOR PRIME TIME cast member.  Check it out.


*About the only thing I’m enjoying on their tv as I fast-forward Raw after Smackdown after SNMorning Slam Snoozefest, is this Fandango thing.   At least classic wrestling there, in the old-school tease tease tease before it gets delivered.  Sort of like when Piper in L.A. would refuse to take his kilt off until the fans stopped hooting at him to take his “dress” off.  The smart money would be for the tie-in attempt in having Fawn-Dong-Go finally debut in-ring next Monday, the same night Dancing With the Stars returns to ABC.  But the Whiff isn’t always known for smart money (i.e.-the Zeb prejudice thing isn’t getting any mainstream as a WMania sidebar event).  So I’d  stretch out his actual in-ring some more for a few weeks, Stu-style.  I see a couple possibles for how this (his ring debut) finally comes to “fruit-trition” as in fruition.  Either they decide to have an audio clip of him introducing himself (because having one of his hired dancers would be cannibalizing on the Ricardo Rodriguez phenomenon) or say Booker or a bunch of guys from the back chasing and/or throwing him finally into the ring to start his little wrestling career as a DWTheS knockoff.  Phantom and I recall of course another, somewhat effeminate dancer in wrestling in the great twinkletoes of the great Ricky Starr persona.  Who masterfully did the ballet and flying thing to capitalize a bit albeit heelishly, on the flying Rocca/Zuma trend.  Bets are in on the name of his possible finisher but the guy better deliver when he finally gets around to doing something.  And why should his opponent have to say his name before he’ll come down the ramp?  That makes no sense and why would they do it anyways?   So let’s see (and we’ve said it a zillion times) Nattie N is the only actual, legit female wrestler the company has, yet, she’s saddled with dancing around the lumbering and lethargic Great Khali/a Dhalip of Singh?    What a revoltin’ and continued disgrace.  But it beats the lame farting angle they disrespectfully saddled her with for a time.


Hey!  And where’s Madison Rain of TNA?  She, like many there, are missed. And while I’m all over the map, great acting job Brooke last Thursday.  Best work you’ve done there so far.


*Watching a parade of champions offering from WWE’s excellent Classics on Demand VOD product.  The Madison Square Garden 1979 Christmas show was truly amazing and a parade of champions.  Backlund’s title defense was a Texas Death Match vs Bobby Duncum, Victor Rivera returned after his Los Angeles heel stint teaming with a heel Swede (no more bleachjob) Hanson vs tag champs in Putski and Tito Santana, Patterson vs Denucci right during Pat’s heel to face turn after the Wiz “sold” his contract to Albano who Pat claimed he didn’t like, Fujinami defending  his Jr. belt vs Johnny Rivera in a 4 star classic, Inoki defending Johnny Powers NWF world title vs Iron Sheik Kos, Harley Race debuting~! defending his belt vs Dusty (dq’d by blood), a Moolah title defense and other great bouts including Sakaguchi and Riki Choshu defending the NJPW tag straps called the North American Titles vs a WWWF young jobber named Jojo Andrews and Bad News Allen Coage.  Coage and a heel Victor Rivera were tag champs about the same time for my home base territory in Los Angeles/Lebell.   And figurehead WWF president, Hishashi Shinma was in ring for one of the few times I could recall, adding oomph to the Backlund title defense.   Just an amazing card.  Oh~!  And Larry Z going over Dick Bulldog Brower in the opener!


Vince Sr. was back in the NWA and on good terms w/ both Muchnick and Verne.  But the point of my bringing this up is that Jojo formed a friendship with Allen Coage. Which led to Allen helping him get booked into Calgary I believe, where he was a memorable African-American heel wrestler and manager Kasavubu.  A bit like Arman Hussein who worked for us in L.A. as a face, but was total heel doing wrestling and co-managing a stable of Dallas talent with Gary Hart.  Jojo (real name Jimmy Lee Banks) passed away in the late 80′s in Calgary from kidney failure.  A real loss, as he was a great guy and great talent.  Jimmy was also friends with the late, great Ray Candy (who many forget worked under a hood as “The Superfly” and used that name on GCW well before Snuka took it, and used the famous hit radio jazz instrumental song of the day (1980ish) as his entrance music even before the Freebirds came in and reinvented ring entrance music).   Some good memories here.


*Non-Rassln’ TV Recommendation:  One of the funniest comedic bits I’ve seen in ages as I was e-yakking to Karen was on Bill Maher’s HBO show last night (3/15/13) about bananas that very quickly go from edible and yellow to overripe and black:  ”the bipolar girl of the fruit world.”   It has to be seen and heard (unlike most wrestling on tv) and you’ll thank me.


*All apologies if I’ve offended any of my Catholic friends.  This entire week has been pretty bizarre.


By Dr. Mike Lano



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